A visible bicep on HER arm... yes... that's right! A beautiful, bulging, feminine bicep is what I saw as I peered into the group fitness room at my community's YMCA. The sight of a toned female arm and an instructor who looked like Barbie is what initially lured me into a group fitness class. I was hesitant to attend, but if enduring apprehension and discomfort among a group of people is what I had to do to look like America's most well-known doll hottie...count me in! And so I entered a completely new realm of fitness... but one that I hoped would bring about change, mostly in my butt and thighs, but, nonetheless, change! I was EXTREMELY nervous, scared, frightened, self-conscious and I thought EVERYONE would be staring at me, but I was determined to participate in and complete a group fitness class! Within the first 5 minutes of class, I tripped over my step and fell flat on my rear! I immediately thought, "it doesn't get any worse than this... I think I will keep coming!". Several years later I RARELY get to simply participate in an exercise class due to the fact that I now TEACH them. And recently, my thoughts regarding group fitness have turned to, "what is it about exercising in a group that is so appealing?" and "why does group fitness bring in SO MANY people?". I often joke with my participants that the reason that we choose to exercise in a group is because "misery loves company". But, I really think it's because WE NEED EACH OTHER.
Recently, I've been sad...very sad, I've been hurting and I feel so broken. The past several months have brought uncharted territory (I'm actually convinced that life is uncharted territory, but I think that's a whole other blog) and I'm now dealing with the aftermath. I've still managed to teach my classes with the same enthusiasm, zeal and vigor while also competently and diligently completing other tasks at work, but... I've been enduring sadness. I've made every effort to keep it from being evident and I'd like to think that I'm an academy award winning actress and that I've done an oscar award winning job of keeping my personal matters to myself! But, this past weekend I felt as though my sadness was...ALL OVER ME. Sunday morning I mustered up the motivation to dress and attend church, but it was not easy. Tears streamed down my face for the entire 30 minute drive as I listened to worship music and prayed. My hope was that at the very least, one morsel, would be spoken in the message that would speak to my wounded heart. As I sat in my pew during the service, I felt God's comfort, but I did not receive the "rejuvenation" I had hoped for. At the conclusion of the service I knew I had to put on my "happy face" to teach my precious three year olds. But, in order to do this, I needed something that would truly make me happy...COFFEE! In my mad dash to get the cup of joe that would give me my fix, came the rejuvenation that I needed. Sitting in the same room as the coffee was a precious friend who, in the most beautiful and transparent way, shared with me what God has been doing in her life while also allowing me to do the same. She frankly asked me, "in the midst of the aftermath from your uncharted territory, what has God been saying to you?", and I told her that He's said repeatedly..."let ME make you WHOLE". After I confessed my current state, I felt better and I realized that many times over the course of the past week confiding in close friends had helped carry me through. While I had shared intimate details of my life with close friends, I had not simply dumped my junk...I had CONFESSED.
The rest of my Sunday turned out to be bright and beautiful, for I had experienced God's presence in such a personal way in the morning hours. I had a great lunch with friends and spent time with my sister and I returned home feeling like my day had been sunny and not somber. Prior to retreating for the night, I opened one of my current three reads (I'm always reading my Bible, a spiritual book, and a diet/exercise book)...Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson. I opened the book and the chapter was entitled "Whole and Healed" and I knew that those words and this chapter were for me. It was no coincidence that this chapter in Jackson's book focused on confessing and sharing with others. In James, there is a passage that discusses healing in the expression of community..."And the prayer offered in faith will make them well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. " James 5:15 - 17 This is EXACTLY what I had experienced...God created us to mutually encourage one another and to carry each other's burdens and I had reaped the benefits of this on Sunday morning. George Eliot was right when he wrote, "What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?". WE REALLY DO NEED EACH OTHER.
