A visible bicep on HER arm... yes... that's right! A beautiful, bulging, feminine bicep is what I saw as I peered into the group fitness room at my community's YMCA. The sight of a toned female arm and an instructor who looked like Barbie is what initially lured me into a group fitness class. I was hesitant to attend, but if enduring apprehension and discomfort among a group of people is what I had to do to look like America's most well-known doll hottie...count me in! And so I entered a completely new realm of fitness... but one that I hoped would bring about change, mostly in my butt and thighs, but, nonetheless, change! I was EXTREMELY nervous, scared, frightened, self-conscious and I thought EVERYONE would be staring at me, but I was determined to participate in and complete a group fitness class! Within the first 5 minutes of class, I tripped over my step and fell flat on my rear! I immediately thought, "it doesn't get any worse than this... I think I will keep coming!". Several years later I RARELY get to simply participate in an exercise class due to the fact that I now TEACH them. And recently, my thoughts regarding group fitness have turned to, "what is it about exercising in a group that is so appealing?" and "why does group fitness bring in SO MANY people?". I often joke with my participants that the reason that we choose to exercise in a group is because "misery loves company". But, I really think it's because WE NEED EACH OTHER.
Recently, I've been sad...very sad, I've been hurting and I feel so broken. The past several months have brought uncharted territory (I'm actually convinced that life is uncharted territory, but I think that's a whole other blog) and I'm now dealing with the aftermath. I've still managed to teach my classes with the same enthusiasm, zeal and vigor while also competently and diligently completing other tasks at work, but... I've been enduring sadness. I've made every effort to keep it from being evident and I'd like to think that I'm an academy award winning actress and that I've done an oscar award winning job of keeping my personal matters to myself! But, this past weekend I felt as though my sadness was...ALL OVER ME. Sunday morning I mustered up the motivation to dress and attend church, but it was not easy. Tears streamed down my face for the entire 30 minute drive as I listened to worship music and prayed. My hope was that at the very least, one morsel, would be spoken in the message that would speak to my wounded heart. As I sat in my pew during the service, I felt God's comfort, but I did not receive the "rejuvenation" I had hoped for. At the conclusion of the service I knew I had to put on my "happy face" to teach my precious three year olds. But, in order to do this, I needed something that would truly make me happy...COFFEE! In my mad dash to get the cup of joe that would give me my fix, came the rejuvenation that I needed. Sitting in the same room as the coffee was a precious friend who, in the most beautiful and transparent way, shared with me what God has been doing in her life while also allowing me to do the same. She frankly asked me, "in the midst of the aftermath from your uncharted territory, what has God been saying to you?", and I told her that He's said repeatedly..."let ME make you WHOLE". After I confessed my current state, I felt better and I realized that many times over the course of the past week confiding in close friends had helped carry me through. While I had shared intimate details of my life with close friends, I had not simply dumped my junk...I had CONFESSED.
The rest of my Sunday turned out to be bright and beautiful, for I had experienced God's presence in such a personal way in the morning hours. I had a great lunch with friends and spent time with my sister and I returned home feeling like my day had been sunny and not somber. Prior to retreating for the night, I opened one of my current three reads (I'm always reading my Bible, a spiritual book, and a diet/exercise book)...Permission to Speak Freely by Anne Jackson. I opened the book and the chapter was entitled "Whole and Healed" and I knew that those words and this chapter were for me. It was no coincidence that this chapter in Jackson's book focused on confessing and sharing with others. In James, there is a passage that discusses healing in the expression of community..."And the prayer offered in faith will make them well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. " James 5:15 - 17 This is EXACTLY what I had experienced...God created us to mutually encourage one another and to carry each other's burdens and I had reaped the benefits of this on Sunday morning. George Eliot was right when he wrote, "What do we live for if not to make life less difficult for each other?". WE REALLY DO NEED EACH OTHER.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
I showed my BUTT...
Kids, children, youngsters, little ones...whatever title they are given, it is no secret that I absolutely LOVE and ADORE them all! My office is a shrine to all of the ankle-biters that frequent the YMCA...my walls are adorned with countless pictures they have colored, along with photographs of children who are not my own and it seems my "five and under" fan club is ever increasing in size. I am incessantly left in awe by how willing children are to give love when they know that they will receive love from you in return.
Several weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk at 7:30am on a typical Tuesday morning when I saw a beautiful little girl peering at me through the glass lobby doors. My office is the first one seen as members enter and the last one seen as they leave what I believe to be a "health and wellness oasis" and truly the most magical place in my community. I made eye contact with the precious little one looking at me and motioned for her to come in. We were instant friends! She became my shadow for the duration of time that she was in the Y on that day...anywhere and everywhere I went, there she was with a hug, a leg tap, or a latching onto of my thigh because it seemed she really enjoyed and wanted to keep my attention. I went about my morning as usual and after I finished teaching my group fitness class made my way to the shower only to find my new little friend in the locker room with her mom. I quickly continued my post-workout regimen and made my way to the shower. With my face in the water and my back toward the shower curtain, I heard a very small voice loudly say, "hey, I'm looking at you!". I whipped around, obviously in nothing but my birthday suit, to find that my little friend had followed me into the shower! I quickly concluded the cleansing process and exited the shower. With hair sopping wet, in nothing but a towel and sloshing shower flip-flops I came upon this little girl's mother and I said, "Excuse me, but, I think I need to let you know that your daughter just saw my whole butt". Yes, I had shown my butt...my whole butt.
In reflecting upon this experience I realized that while I was physically exposed and I did "show my butt", literally, I have also recently done this figuratively in one of my relationships. I spoke harsh words to someone and exhibited unkind behavior and I, once again, "showed my butt". I failed miserably in being slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry (James 1:19). I did not offer a gentle response (Proverbs 15:1) and my words were definitely not helpful in building up this person according to their needs (Ephesians 4:29). Words are like toothpaste and once they are out there, they cannot be taken back. I have experienced much regret regarding my behavior. It was completely uncharacteristic for me and this was not the first time I had "misbehaved badly" with this individual. For two weeks, I chastised and admonished myself, while also spending time in God's word in hopes that it would bring encouragement, comfort, and most of all, relief. God is faithful and brought me to James 3:2 which says "those who are never at fault in what they say are perfect" and I am definitely not perfect! I was also reminded that I will be shown mercy if I show mercy to others (James 2:12) but to be careful because the same tongue I praise God with is the same tongue I use to curse men (James 3:9).
FORGIVENESS came in the form of the message at church this past Sunday (go figure!). As I sat there I realized that most were probably reminded or prompted to forgive someone else, but my epiphany was that I needed to forgive myself. The take home message was that "you can't give away what you don't have" and if I cannot forgive myself then I cannot forgive others and I will certainly not be able to fully accept and receive God's forgiveness. I wish I could say that this relationship has been mended. Unfortunately, things are less than amicable or so it seems. I pray that a resolution will come and I have hope because I know I am forgiven and am now walking in freedom.
Several weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk at 7:30am on a typical Tuesday morning when I saw a beautiful little girl peering at me through the glass lobby doors. My office is the first one seen as members enter and the last one seen as they leave what I believe to be a "health and wellness oasis" and truly the most magical place in my community. I made eye contact with the precious little one looking at me and motioned for her to come in. We were instant friends! She became my shadow for the duration of time that she was in the Y on that day...anywhere and everywhere I went, there she was with a hug, a leg tap, or a latching onto of my thigh because it seemed she really enjoyed and wanted to keep my attention. I went about my morning as usual and after I finished teaching my group fitness class made my way to the shower only to find my new little friend in the locker room with her mom. I quickly continued my post-workout regimen and made my way to the shower. With my face in the water and my back toward the shower curtain, I heard a very small voice loudly say, "hey, I'm looking at you!". I whipped around, obviously in nothing but my birthday suit, to find that my little friend had followed me into the shower! I quickly concluded the cleansing process and exited the shower. With hair sopping wet, in nothing but a towel and sloshing shower flip-flops I came upon this little girl's mother and I said, "Excuse me, but, I think I need to let you know that your daughter just saw my whole butt". Yes, I had shown my butt...my whole butt.
In reflecting upon this experience I realized that while I was physically exposed and I did "show my butt", literally, I have also recently done this figuratively in one of my relationships. I spoke harsh words to someone and exhibited unkind behavior and I, once again, "showed my butt". I failed miserably in being slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to become angry (James 1:19). I did not offer a gentle response (Proverbs 15:1) and my words were definitely not helpful in building up this person according to their needs (Ephesians 4:29). Words are like toothpaste and once they are out there, they cannot be taken back. I have experienced much regret regarding my behavior. It was completely uncharacteristic for me and this was not the first time I had "misbehaved badly" with this individual. For two weeks, I chastised and admonished myself, while also spending time in God's word in hopes that it would bring encouragement, comfort, and most of all, relief. God is faithful and brought me to James 3:2 which says "those who are never at fault in what they say are perfect" and I am definitely not perfect! I was also reminded that I will be shown mercy if I show mercy to others (James 2:12) but to be careful because the same tongue I praise God with is the same tongue I use to curse men (James 3:9).
FORGIVENESS came in the form of the message at church this past Sunday (go figure!). As I sat there I realized that most were probably reminded or prompted to forgive someone else, but my epiphany was that I needed to forgive myself. The take home message was that "you can't give away what you don't have" and if I cannot forgive myself then I cannot forgive others and I will certainly not be able to fully accept and receive God's forgiveness. I wish I could say that this relationship has been mended. Unfortunately, things are less than amicable or so it seems. I pray that a resolution will come and I have hope because I know I am forgiven and am now walking in freedom.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Because I SAID so...
"Sit back and low, get those thighs parallel to the floor and send those glutes to that back wall", I say, as I, once again, send my client into yet another set of squats. For I am the "Squat Queen", "Leg Master", and "She Devil" to all of my personal training clients and the participants who frequent my group fitness classes (clients and participants have given me all of these titles, and they are most definitely NOT self-imposed). I immediately notice that this particular client's strength in the squat department has greatly increased and this means that she will soon have the "high hiney" or "tight back end" she desires...good for me! I make no hesitation regarding what I have just discovered and provide some positive reinforcement by telling her that her squat form is "Good!" and "Perfect!" and let her know that she is making phenomenal and noticeable progress. It was merely two months ago that I took this client on and she has been one of the most tenacious that I have ever had the privilege to train. She selected me as her personal trainer because two of her triathlete gal pals informed her that they were pleased with the training I provide and she became convinced that I was the key to the results she sought...but, no pressure, right?!
As I looked upon the progress she has made yesterday afternoon, my thoughts shifted to a principle of training that I learned in both undergraduate and graduate school. The SAID principle says that there are Specific Adaptations to Imposed Demands. In other words, when something NEW or unfamiliar is imposed, at first it is difficult. But, the more frequently what was once "new" or "unfamiliar" is experienced, the easier it becomes. I became more pensive and realized that this is a principle that applies not just to exercise, but to LIFE! Life has, once again, and very recently brought me an unexpected experience, change and outcome... and it was definitely something I had not anticipated. My thoughts drift to the spiritual and how God moves, works and orchestrates His plan, purpose and will in every aspect of my life. It was just one year ago that I experienced a similar unexpected change but the difference between then and now is vast. I have seen GROWTH! Had God not brought about a similar experience in my life a year ago and many other times, I would not be at peace and certainly would not have the ability to rest in this outcome. Many scriptures come to mind as I take on life's current twists and turns...Blessed are those who delight in the law of the Lord, for they will prosper (Psalm 1), God's word will not return to me empty, but will accomplish His purposes and what He desires (Isaiah 55:8-11), He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together (Colossians 1:17), and the prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective (James 5:16).
Finally, I come to the conclusion that as much as I think, plan and plot things out, there is only so much that is within my control. And, ultimately, I waive the white flag and welcome surrender! I'm NOT perfect, but I AM progressing and my thoughts conclude with..."Many are the plans in a human heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21".
As I looked upon the progress she has made yesterday afternoon, my thoughts shifted to a principle of training that I learned in both undergraduate and graduate school. The SAID principle says that there are Specific Adaptations to Imposed Demands. In other words, when something NEW or unfamiliar is imposed, at first it is difficult. But, the more frequently what was once "new" or "unfamiliar" is experienced, the easier it becomes. I became more pensive and realized that this is a principle that applies not just to exercise, but to LIFE! Life has, once again, and very recently brought me an unexpected experience, change and outcome... and it was definitely something I had not anticipated. My thoughts drift to the spiritual and how God moves, works and orchestrates His plan, purpose and will in every aspect of my life. It was just one year ago that I experienced a similar unexpected change but the difference between then and now is vast. I have seen GROWTH! Had God not brought about a similar experience in my life a year ago and many other times, I would not be at peace and certainly would not have the ability to rest in this outcome. Many scriptures come to mind as I take on life's current twists and turns...Blessed are those who delight in the law of the Lord, for they will prosper (Psalm 1), God's word will not return to me empty, but will accomplish His purposes and what He desires (Isaiah 55:8-11), He is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20), He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together (Colossians 1:17), and the prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective (James 5:16).
Finally, I come to the conclusion that as much as I think, plan and plot things out, there is only so much that is within my control. And, ultimately, I waive the white flag and welcome surrender! I'm NOT perfect, but I AM progressing and my thoughts conclude with..."Many are the plans in a human heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. Proverbs 19:21".
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